Becoming the person I Hate
In the first day or two of starting Itikaf, I missed the first rakat of my salah in Jamah. The goal I had hoped for in my mind for being in Itikaf is to at least get all of my prayers in full. And this just happened. But this reflection is important because of the following.
“I have always wondered why people who are in the masjid before the Adhan is called sometimes miss the first rakat or sometimes even miss the full salah. I always thought if they become more serious about that salah, they would not miss such an opportunity.“
I was in the masjid before the Adhan was made and I still missed the first rakat, and that thing I hated somehow came back to me. But what was interesting was not only missing the first rakat, but what I started telling myself internally about why I missed the salah.
I began to find ways to justify what I did as right, thinking in my mind about how the Prophet (SAW) mentioned that we should not run to the salah as we would get the part that was destined for us. But somehow, I had not thought about the hadith in the same way when I saw another person missing their salah. In fact, I tried finding a hadith to justify what they did as wrong. And with this, I asked myself the question — “Am I becoming the person I hate?”
The reflection on that question got me thinking about how I view the actions of others and how I view my own actions. Do I give myself very good excuses when I feel okay to and hold others to very high standards otherwise? Would the solution be to hold others to a low standard and let the issue go? The answer to that is still very unclear to me. But some of the thoughts I have had is to always hold everyone to a high standard. Ourselves and others. That I broke the standard does not mean to give up on myself or the other person, but to find ways to make the situation better for ourselves and others.
And a lot of time, this is not easy. Simply thinking of making something better does not make it better. So thoughts only do not work. But thinking good of the other person and finding ways to raise these issues to me seem like the way to have good intentions for the other person. If we let each other slip away, how do we remind each other and grow? And if we become too harsh on each other, how do we find the kindness of Islam in how we relate to each other.
“Smile is sadaqah”. So even how we approach each other before even saying a word can make or break the conversation. And so for now, when I begin to fall off different standards I have set for myself or others, the goal is to find ways to keep the standards high without dropping myself or the other person off the standard. The path to this can be as simple or as complicated as your situation, but again, the goal is to not be perfect. Have an open-mind about how people would respond, and In shaa Allah, Allah would reward you as you have reminded your fellow Muslim about their deen.
And so, the goal is to keep raising the standard so we never become the person we hate, and push others on the standard so we all never become persons we each hate.
